You're completely useless in the revolution.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
