I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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