I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
