I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
