How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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