I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
