i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
