Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
