Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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