so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
