Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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