he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I didn't notice because vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
