She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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