sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
