You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
