I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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