we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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