If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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