I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
