I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize