It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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