FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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