Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
MIDGETS
????
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
