I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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