you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
