He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
