Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
