She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
