if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
