I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
