they need to just BURY HIM!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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