I'm going to jail i love you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
