Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
