I'm going to jail i love you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize