you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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