Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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