At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
