In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
