guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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