Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sarcasm needs its own font
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
