butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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