so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
