I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
