were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
