chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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