Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
