My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
