i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize