The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
