I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
