This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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