im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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