I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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