don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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