very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
