What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
