had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
