it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
