her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I faked an abortion last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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