Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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