you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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