you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
