I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
