You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
