Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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