and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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