the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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