He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
