Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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