you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Terrible idea I love it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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