I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
