he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
