Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
